just another loss
by susaD
Summary: this is my very first fan fic. please let me know what you think.


Destiny still as a stone hung above the green planet below.

"so why are we hear rush" young watched the clock count down. "and for how long".

"fifteen hours… as for why I don't know".

"well it looks green, green is good. Lets go check it out".

"remember we are looking for food and water people".

Smiling Rachel watched her younger sister from the cover of the tick fern grove. Her delicate finger pressed to her lips "shhh Rachel. You might draw attention". the young girl whispered at her fellow conspirator.

"shara the gate has not opened for years". shara had begun having nightmares about the gate. in an effort to prove to the young girl their was noting to fear, she sprung up from the ferns her arms flapping as she whooped and hollered. "see".

Shara stared her large green eyes round with wonder, not at her sisters strange behavior but at the liquid center of the gate. Reaching up she grabbed the hem of Rachel's dress. "Rachel!"

Quick as she had sprung from the ferns she dropped down. Her finger pressed to her lips much as her sisters had been moments ago. "shhh. Don't move I am going to get a closer look. You stay hear. If there is trouble run back and get aunt Susan. Understand".

Her silent nod gave confidence that for once the girl would do as she was told. "quiet".

Slipping from fern to fern made silent from fear Rachel moved in closer. Three of them had come through the gate, now two more. Some were armed, she gave a small prayer that they would not be hostile. Slowly they began to fan out. One of them with a weapon was heading straight toward shara. Dam.

With out hesitation she sprung from the fern locked eyes with the intruder making sure he saw her and then quick as a deer turned and ran. Her blond hair streaming out behind her like a banner of moonlight and honey. Rachel yelled out to shara with out looking back "RUN! SHARA!" she got no more out. A strong hand clamped around her arm. She could not make out what the voices were yelling behind her over the frantic beating of her own heart.

"Stop! I won't hurt you" young spun the woman around by the arm and came face to face with a hellion. Screaming she kicked, slapped and turned her body from left to right trying to nock him off balance. "stop dam it I won't hurt you". the woman in front of him made no such promise her self as her knee came up and found its mark. Nausea waved through him but he kept his grip. His ankle twisted sideways as the earth beneath his feet shifted. They were going down together. She was the first human they had seen on their voyage the information she could give them was worth the wounded pride.

With a soft out rushing of breath Rachel found her self beneath the great beast. Struggling he let his weight pin her to the ground. Unwilling to take another shot to the groin young straddled the woman. One wrist in each hand. He found himself looking down at a beautiful woman. Large green eyes. Pale blond hair, full lips, a delicate nose. "stay still and I will let you up. Do you under stand me?"

Rachel only nodded.

"promise not to run". he asked.

Again only a slight nod, this time less trustworthy.

Wild eyed she could hear the others coming closer. Shara was fast she need only keep his attention for a few more minutes by then help would be on the way. Leaning her head toward his hand she tried to bite him. Amazed at how strong the stranger was as her wrist was moved farther away from her teeth.

Sharas muffled scream made Rachel's stomach learch. A large dark skinned man was carrying her over his shoulder. She was such a slight girl all legs and thin arms. As the group came in to view she knew they were in real trouble. Shara had not made it back in time to get help and no one knew where they were. Considering her options and knowing she had none she went still laying on the moist ground.

"giving up?". young released her wrists ready to fend off an attack. "I'm going to help you up now". standing with a grimace at the noticeable throbbing in his groin he held out a hand to the woman "I am sorry if I scared you".

"please let her go, she is only a child she is of no use to you". Rachel was staring at shara.

"so you do understand"

"yes".

"I think she is of considerable use, she is important to you" young motioned to greer "put her down lutetenant".

"yes sir". greer set the young girl to rights watching with a smile as she brushed her dress back down. Quick as a viper she swung round and delivered a kick to his shin "MONSTER!"

Rush wiped blood from his nose "what is you name, the name of this planet".

Inwardly Rachel smiled knowing shara had bloodied the intruder " my name is Rachel, and this planet is called verta".

"now answer my questions, more of you came through the gate where are they".

Young stepped in to her line of sight "securing the area. Do you live around hear".

"no" Rachel tilted her head straighter hoping the lie would convince.

"Rachel?!" shara gasped.

"shush!"

"but it's a lie!" the young girl called out.

Kneeling before the skinny child dirt smeared across her forehead, " your hair is just like your sisters".

"so!" she said defensively.

"I take it lying is bad". young spoke to her as he would any child on earth tempering his voice. His soft tone was coxing the young girl from her defensive shell.

Unable to resist shara blurted out her question "are you a man?"

"yes".

Looking up in to the questioning eyes of Rachel he stood from his crouch then back down at the young girl. "their must me men on this planet, or how else did she get hear".

"through the gate like all the others". shara had stopped tugging on greers arm deciding it was of little use she could not break his hold.

Pushing forward rush was astounded "there is another gate do you know the address".

"I don't know we don't go through the gate it is forbidden". Rachel began to realize these men were more strangers to this planet that she was "where are you from? How did you get hear?". in the distance voices could be heard calling she recognized her aunts and others. Looking to her younger sister "help is on the way shara".

"colonel we don't have time for this. If the girl has information that can help us". rush was looking toward the distant voices.

Beside him young saw the woman breath deeply. Clamping his hand over her mouth before she could scream "don't scream we need more time".

"we don't have it colonel. As much as I want to stay and learn more from theses people you know I am right".

"dam it rush we can't just take what we want when we want it".

"oh yes we can…we have no choice".

"hell" young held the woman's arm twisted behind her whispering in her ear " we will not hurt you. Once we have the answers we need we will send you back, but we cannot be delayed". with rope he secured her hands and began dragging her toward the gate. "rush dial it up" .

Shaking her head Rachel got his attention. With a whispered warning he removed his hand. Rachel whispered back to him. "you don't need the girl leave her the others will find her. Please". as heart wrenching as it was leaving shara behind she did not know where they would end up and at least if left behind she would be safe.

"set her loose greer".

"shara go home". Rachel whispered passionately.

"no I want to stay with you!"

"". she growled through clenched teeth as young dragged her up the ramp backward.

Destiny. Still as a stone hung above the green planet below.

A few people gathered in the gate room waiting to rifle through the food and water taking it to hydroponics. Their faces curios as young guided a woman down the ramp. "stop hear and I will release you. Don't run. I will only chance you down and bind you again. Understand". he pushed down the sick feeling in his stomach from threatening the woman.

"where exactly would I go". Rachel's false bravado could be clearly heard.

"do you recognize any of this writing". rush was pointing to the lit panel.

"I have seen it before in the old town but I do not know what it means".

" old town". the question clear in his voice.

"yes the ruins on verta. It was said that before we were sent their that others had lived and made grate villages of many people. But then they disappeared no one knows where they went".

"why did they send you their". young stood close enough to the woman so that their shoulders touched when she turned to answer him.

Unnerved by how much heat his body produced and the fact that knowing it was from him sent chills crossing through her Rachel cleared her thought "you really are not from around hear".

"no, but we are trying to get home. Your avoiding the question". he gave her his most direct stair

"we have green eyes, they are a bad omen". Rachel watched the planet beneath the ship she had never thought to see it from so far. Then she had never thought to see a man either but hear was both.

"so they exile you for having green eyes". Eli was enraptured. She was one of the most striking aliens' he had ever seen.

"yes all girl children with green eyes are sent to verta before we reach two years. That is why I can not tell you anything about the gate. I am sorry".

"I think your lying. You can clearly read this language". rush lit up the panel in front of her. "read it".

"no. I have told you what I know now send me home". moving away from the panel she pressed her back against another behind her that sprang to life at her touch.

"how did you do that" rush was behind the large panel "I have been unable to get this panel to work".

"I did nothing. Now send me home". Rachel was moving toward the door. Her spine held stiff hoping that the men who had stood at the threshold would let her pass. One of the men, greer, had been the man who had held shara. He clearly did not like the one called rush but from the way he stood and listened intently to the colonel he respected him greatly.

"Rachel, I will send you home but please help me get theses people home". young's voice held no anger, no hate. He truly wanted to help his people.

"I do not know all the words, I don't know how to fly your ship. I would help you but there is little time. Shara is the only family I have and I am hers. If I do not return what will become of her".

Young knew she was telling the truth. They had little time. "Greer take her to the gate, send her home".

Visibly relaxing Rachel stumbled forward as the ship left orbit. The green planet that had only seconds ago filled the portal window was not dwindling to a small distant light. "NO!". running toward the gate room Rachel's heart was breaking, the effort was a waste. Yet even as she thought the words her heart rebelled, her mind screamed. Shara.

"Rush, what's happening". young was only a step behind Rachel. Her flight was blind moving with the grace that only desperation can grant. The gate room was busy with activity. People trying to redial the address. Barking out orders to solders and scientist alike. Information was coming from all sides. No one knew what happened. They still had an hour left on the clock. The gate had just shut. Someone had been left behind. Someone else had been torn away.

"dam it rush what's happening". young was in a rage. One of his people had been left. "who's not hear. Find out".

"tom is missing. Tom, he worked in the green house he was a horticulturist.". Jillian's soft voice carried worry and pain. "he was my friend".

"how do we get him back" Greer was toe to toe to rush his hard eyes demanding answers.

" if you would back way I think I know why this happened".

Young motioned for Greer to back away "out with it rush".

"we can't go back. You know that. If we had enough control over the ship, but we don't".

"answer the question rush". young ground out.

"every planet we have gone to is because the ship knew we needed something from it, food, water, sand. It only powered up after Rachel touched the panel. For reasons I do not know the ship needed her". looking about the room he did see her "where did she go".

Sometime during the commotion Rachel had slipped away. She had staggered heart broken to the observation room. Her form back lit by the aurora of light always present at the windows. Slowly she sank down to her knees her arms raped around her middle. From the door way young crossed to her. On his knees it seamed natural to hold the grieving woman. As he touched her a low heartbreaking moan burst forth. pale tortured faces stared at the pair "get out, everyone. Leave".

Greer ushered people from the doorway. He alone stood guard at the closed doors. the occasional sob could be heard from with in. until silence finally came.

The doors opened young held the woman in his arms. With out a word stone faced he carried her to his quarters and laid her down on the bed. Covering her he sat in the chair at his desk. Silently he began working on the pile of reports intending to be their when she woke. Eli's voice brought his head up "is she sleeping".

"yes Eli".

"I brought water for when she wakes up" he sat the offering on the near by table with a soft clank. "do you think rush knew this would happen".

The question troubled young, he had been thinking the same thing. Was rush willing to hurt others to accomplish his own goal. How many more times would he let rush hurt someone for the sake of the crew. A member of which they had lost today. "how is Jillian".

"sad".

" have T.J keep an eye on her". wiping his hand down his face "this is not what I wanted for either of them". young picked up his report. The same one he had been reading and rereading for the last half hour. Eli remained in the doorway. "what else Eli"

"Jillian is tough to. Rather we like it or not we are all becoming tougher".

"that's life Eli, not all of us get through it un scared".

"I don't think it's the ship that needed her. I think its us, can you feel it when you look at her". Eli was now leaning in the doorway,

"feel what?" young looked at the sleeping woman her hair tussled out around the pillow, her face pale, dark circles smudged her eyes,

"calmer, less…I don't know just calmer".

"no Eli, get out of hear let me work and her sleep".

Shoving off the door he left his shoulder squared a purpose to his step. Eli was right this ship was changing people. Eli was loosing that innocent goodness that had been so much apart of him when this journey had begun.

"he is lonely, he tries to hide it but you do not have to look hard". Rachel's voice was soft but no longer full of tears.

"he brought water would you like some". young pored the glass before she answered and handed it to her. "I am sorry".

"I know. I was not the only one to loose someone today".

"no. I have a feeling it wont be the last. More and more I think this ship will use us up". young voiced his fears to her as he would have to one else.

"your heart still beats, you still breath in and out. pain and loss, happiness and grace are a part of living".

"wise beyond your years". he took the offered glass now empty. "Sleep if you are tired I will be hear, tomorrow we will find you quarters".

Rachel could not know what her life would bring now. But slowly over the passing days and months she carved a place for her self amongst theses people. She learned to listen to their problems, to offer guidance when needed and found always a welcome smile as she passed.

* * *

a few months latter

TJ walked the corridors unable to sleep her mind restless, the last of the antibiotics would not last much longer. The plants that they had found with healing properties were not growing fast enough to provide enough medicine for the crew. Her journey brought her past Rushes quarters from behind closed doors she heard feminine laughter. She supposed that even rush needed human companionship, the comfort of a lover in the dark. His deeper voice carried through the door his words did not. She was surprised to hear Rachel's voice. TJ stood silent her jaw dropped at the seen unfolding before her. It was obvious that the lovers had not heard the doors open. She should not have stopped to eavesdrop. Her lack of motion out side the door had triggered the automated response.

"cheater!" laughter lightened her admonishment.

Even more surprising was rush, his laugh deep and easy completely seductive "It's not cheating just planning to win".

"that sir is the very definition of cheating". she rose from her chair and came to stand between rushes knees. Her pale hair spilling down past her shoulders. A waterfall of moonlight and honey.

His voice thickened with desire "and how then do you plan on punishing me". he let his hands linger on her hips.

"Ahhh". she purred "I can think of just one way". she lowered herself on to his lap. Slowly bringing her lips to his. "I shall just have to kiss an apology out of you".

Frozen in place TJ watched as rush accepted a kiss and then another each one becoming deeper. Rachel smiling in to his playful kiss as he depend it in to something more. Under her rush stiffened his eyes met TJ's. His hands stilled their restless exploration.

"rush?" Rachel's questing voice breaking TJ's silence.

"I'm sorry" her voice sounded lame even to her own ears.

Rachel's spine stiffened as she made to remove her self from rushes lap. His hands tightened on her hips stopping her retreat.

"what can I do for you doctor". rush kept his hands on Rachel unashamed by the intrusion if angered by it.

"I could not sleep".

"I have noting that can help you. Please close the door behind you". his voice quiet and stern held none of the warm passion she had heard just moments before. Apologizing again TJ back away from the door. Rush saw her turn as the doors eased closed.

"now where were we". his lips found hers "oh yes you accused me of cheating".

"Rush". Rachel says his name as his hands found the buttons to her shirt.

"yes".

"take me to bed". Rachel's skin was on fire as her shirt slipped off her shoulders.

"I find my self quiet comfortable hear". he teased

Rachel let her hips slide forward then back in a slow easy glide "oh"?

With an easy fluid motion he pulled his shirt over head. Not a large man his athletic build hid grace and power.

"still comfortable" her smile warmed him.

Standing he led her to bed and a bigger playground.

"its not fare". she said wistfully.

"what?" rush ran his through the soft brown hair that hung over his eyes pushing it from his face.

"the best part of my day is when you walk through that door". excepting his kisses she let him drive all thought from her mind.

* * *

Rush watched as TJ worked on Rachel. Blood was pooling on the floor around her. The explosion had rocked the ship she should have been safe but the bastards had found them again. Blood ran down his forehead stinging his eyes. TJ's pale face told him all he needed to know but would not believe. "NO! NO! you bring her back. She's mine I…I can't lose again. First" he let his voice die away. In a strangled whisper not able to stop the tears "do something" his breath escaped his chest a raged sob "god". he held her . His mind and body so accustomed to her reaching for him a smile and a laugh upon her lips. The realization jolted his soul. Destiny was what THEY wanted well they could have her. all of her. He was going to jam the behemoth down their thoughts. Turning away from the one true joy in his life he made his way to the weapons room.

Rachel waited for him just behind the weapon consol. "wake up rush. Wake up".

"what's going on I saw you die" confused his head spinning he turned in circles.

"you can stay hidden hear forever you will die that way. They will kill you. Its time to wake up rush".

"no. I will lose you". shaking his head.

"you know as well as I that none of this is real. Wake up rush".

Cold water sapped the warmth from his body. Pain lanced through his bruised body. What had they been doing to him. He forced him self to breath slowly wanting so much to retreat back in to the world he had created. It was not an option open to him. Not now. One of the aliens stood before the tank surprised to find its captive awake. Placing his hands on the glass he gave it a savage rap. From with in him he brought forth all the rage his weekend body could find. The alien was indifferent. Yet he some how knew they had emotions. It has something to do with the interface. He could work with that. He would use it against them. He closed his eyes but did not sleep he wandered through the strange hallways of their minds finding out what he needed to know.

Chloe. Chloe was hear with him. Her image came to his mind. She was held in a tank much like his. Like him she was afraid. She had not been hear long which meant the destiny was near by.

* * *

A few days latter.

Rush sat at the empty table the only light from the aurora passing by the window. His bowed head pressed to a metal cup,

"can I join you". Chloe asked. Her sweet tempered voice reminding him of Rachel.

"please".

"are you alright. You don't sleep anymore than I do…less".

Rush sat the cup down and took her extended hand. "another nightmare"?

"yes but I think this one was different. I think it was a memory of yours" Chloe squeezed his hand.

"don't tell me. Every time I close my eyes I get flashes of the experiments, I have to clench my jaws to keep from screaming". Rush released her hand and went back to nursing the water.

Taking a chance fearing he would shut her out if she over stepped she asked her question "Rush…Nicholas. Who is Rachel?"

"what?" his voice rasped in his chest.

"I dreamed of Rachel. But not the Rachel on the ship now. Its like what I am seeing never happened…but it seems so real".

"to me it was. I was with them much longer than you Chloe. My mind created a world where I was safe. Protecting me from what was really happening. I obviously used memories from recent events to create that world".

"stop analyzing everything rush. I felt what you feel. You loved her. I can_ feel it _don't shut me out. Please".

"I don't sleep because I miss not having her in my bed. I can't close my eyes with out seeing _them and what they did. I am haunted by what I don't know. What I cant let my self remember"_

_From the door a familiar voice came to him "hello. I did not know anyone was hear". _

_Raspy voiced he said her name "Rachel" from beside him Chloe could feel his loss. _

"_you say my name as if you know me but you were taken shortly after I came aboard. How is it that you know me"._

_Rush was unable to speak, what answer could he give her. His chest tight with longing. Rachel's direct gaze catching his and holding it timelessly. To his surprise she sat beside him as his Rachel had done a hundred times. She pressed against him one person from hip to knee. His Rachel has sat so close to him so often that he had become use to heating with one hand. Now when he sat alone the empty space was a reminder of what he lost. To feel her next to him again was agony. _

_Bowing her head to look in to his shielded eyes she reached up and caught his face before he could turn away. "may be" she whispered "I dreamed of you to". holding his face she let her lips find his a soft and tender kiss. "I have missed you much my love". _


End file.
